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ACCEPTANCE

It can be hard to accept the loss. This means that you may find yourself trying hard to deny that the death has occurred, so it is not unusual to think you have heard or seen the dead person.

PHYSICAL SIGNS

Many bereaved people feel strained and physically run down, finding it difficult to eat or sleep. Grief is time consuming and exhausting. You may experience despair and depression, finding that you have lost all interest in living. You may feel there is no point in going on, or that no one else could possibly experience what you are going through. All these are natural reactions to bereavement and not a sign that you are 'going mad' or letting down your family and friends.

EMOTIONS

You will be feeling grief and sadness ; you may experience any of the following : self criticism and guilt, panic, self-pity and anger, sometimes irritability with others, even with the dead person. If

you do experience these emotions you may feel you ought to hide them, but they too are part of bereavement. Don't be afraid to share them with a sympathetic listener.

You may remember feelings of loss or of love for other people in your life who have died at other times. You may find yourself feeling hurt, perhaps convinced that some of your family and friends are avoiding you. Unfortunately, this often does happen, and is probably due to their embarrassment as they do not know what to say. It may be necessary for you to take the first step, so let them know that you would like to talk about your loved one and need their support.

CHANGES

It is sometimes very tempting to feel that life would be more bearable if you moved house, or quickly disposed of possessions, or refused to see people. There is a very natural urge to avoid painful things. However, such quick changes usually make things worse and decisions like these must be given careful thought. You will need to face many powerful feelings and work through them, before beginning to rebuild your life.

MOVING ON

With the passage of time, when the pain has eased somewhat, you may find yourself being able to remember without becoming so distressed. This can be a time for you to start taking up life afresh and it is important that you should renew old interests and take up new pursuits. This might feel disloyal to the person who has died, but what happened in the past is always a part of you and is not affected by your enjoying the present.

Grief is a very individual process and we each react differently, so don't feel that you are in any way abnormal if yours does not appear to follow the pattern outlined here. It is important to allow yourself to grieve. It is also important to take a break from grieving from time to time and to put it aside eventually, even though you will never put aside the memories of the one you love.

SOME DO'S AND DON'TS

DON'T bottle up feelings.

DO express your emotions.

DON'T avoid talking about what has happened.

DO remember that you need time to sleep, rest

and think.

DON'T forget that children experience similar feelings and need to

share in the grief.

DO let children talk about their emotions and express themselves

in games and drawings.

DO send children back to school and let them continue with their

activities.

DO be gentle with yourself. If you have had a bad day, put it behind

you and have another go.

DON'T be afraid to ask for help.

DO go to your doctor if you are worried about anything.

If you would like to speak to someone about your experiences of grief or you would like some help then please telephone the Parish Office.